it was also terrible because suddenly portland decided to turn into the ‘windy city’ and blow leaves and broken cigarettes in my eyes in addition to making it hard to breathe and my ears hurt. wind is my least favorite common weather thing. i hope your listening wind…least favorite.
anyways. there i am huffing and puffing trying to run against the wind with my lungs burning and my eyes filling with tears when i suddenly saw the bridges start to raise. this was a perfect excuse to cut out a mile from my run (i usually try to do 3 miles) since i would have to stand around and wait for the bridge to lower so i could cross to the other side of the river to my typical 3 mile loop.
i then had a realization…running is probably never going to be comfortable for me. it’s just not. i do it anyways because it helps my mental health once it’s done, it helps my metabolism so i can eat more cookies and it helps my heart and muscles so i can stay healthy.
as i was standing and contemplating turning around because i was so over it all, i thought back to when i could barely run a .5 mile. as i slowly added miles to that, i found that i was capable of running farther than i once thought (i maxed out at 7 miles and that still blows my damn mind). it was never comfortable (and still isn’t) but the point isn’t for it to be comfortable. the point is to move forward.
this is directly relating to where i am at with many things in my life at this exact moment.
i am struggling with the new path that i’m on from social worker to entrepreneur. all of this is brand new to me and while i have a long list of things i am supposed to be doing to advance ‘the new wifestyle’ and the business i own with my husband, i often become overwhelmed by them because they are new and extremely uncomfortable to me.
ready for this to become full circle…
new paths and new goals aren’t supposed to be comfortable because they are new and scary. we are trying to find out new capabilities of ourselves. just like running, they are supposed to move us forward, not necessarily make us feel comfortable.
i have to get comfortable with expecting discomfort and doing things anyways. that is a hard sentence for me to even write because as humans, we crave comfort. we work for it. we reach a point to where we are comfortable and it is incredibly hard to give that up to get up and put yourself in discomfort.
i miss the stability of a consistent paycheck and someone else paying my insurance. it is so much easier to have someone else telling you what to do and working with a team of people to accomplish tasks. i miss the comfort of knowing i only have to work 9am-5pm and then be done.
i also realize that i am picking and choosing some of what i remember as well. my consistent paycheck might have been consistent but even if i worked harder, i couldn’t make more money. i sometimes long for the days of the security of what working for someone else provides you and quickly forget that i was laid-off without a moment’s notice. there isn’t security there either.
so i ran on. i stopped frequently and cursed the wind but i reminded myself that i wasn’t running to be comfortable.
i was running to move forward.
there is a “look both ways” sign on the ground before you start to run/bike/walk on the hawthorne bridge, which i found fitting.
so i’m going to take the anecdote from monday about motivation never striking until you start, paired with realizing i will not be comfortable in this process and start moving forward. deep breaths and boldness…
1) what do you think about the concept of not being comfortable in many of the things we do?
2) how do you think being comfortable holds people back?
3) any epiphanies you’ve had lately you want to share? big fan of relating and hearing what you’re going through
article by Chelsea Avery